Things fall apart

Reality Bites

2009-10-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm in Key West, Florida. Since I last blogged I feel like I made my life whole and then unraveled it again.

5000 miles from home and I can't escape how I feel and what I lost. Every day I'm alive is the worst day of my life.

I wish I'd never met you.

OXOX

2009-05-06T09:20:00.000-07:00

Went back to my parents last weekend for ‘Neil’ Arthur Fredrick Fessey’s 59th Birthday celebration (meal at The Crown Inn – two for price of one). My car stereo got stolen long ago so decided to use my laptop and sing to myself all the way to Worcester.

Unfortunately it seems like I had a cold on the way and woke up the next day with a raging throat. This quickly subsided but felt like a small woodland creature has decided to hibernate in my brain ever since and sucked up all my bodies energy for warmth. Then yesterday I started getting a twitch, you know the sort ‘weird people’ get where they can’t stop their eye spasming at you – yeah, that one.

Adding this to my growing list of problems for when I visit the doctors in a couple of weeks. I haven’t been in around 18 months so Doctor Loveday (great name, very jealous) is going to be keeping some people - possibly more in need of medical attention for a long time.

I crawled from my deathbed to DJ Saturday night. I didn’t play for very long but my playlist went as follows:

The Murder City Devils – Idle Hands
Rocket From The Crypt – Born in ‘69
Jay Reatard – Screaming Hand
Be Your Own Pet – Wildcat!
Career Suicide – Attempted Suicide
The Night Marchers – And I Keep Holding On
The Cramps – Human Fly
William E Whitmore – Old Devils
Black Flag – Six Pack
Mika Miko – Capricorinations
Pretty Girls Make Graves – Speakers Push The Air
Grinderman – Honey Bee (Let’s Fly To Mars)
The Icarus Line – Feed A Cat To Your Cobra
Hot Snakes – LAX
Vivian Girls – Tell the World
Weezer – Surf Wax America
BLAST! – E.I.B
Supersuckers – Pretty Fucked Up

The rest of this week I have been working and taking it easy. I just downloaded the new Coalesce record OX and it’s incredible and not disappointing one bit. From downloading to Download - I only just realised Voivod were playing. Have Voivod not broken up? This will be epic and a crowd of 10 people.

Last night I cut my hair and great news – I still look 15.

2009-04-30T08:34:00.001-07:00

My blogging frequency has declined over the last 10 days because I’ve ‘micro blogged’ anything of any real interest. I’ve haven’t done any graphics work in the past week either (not even AT work, a need a new job). I have been getting stuck into my drawing, a few efforts from my flickr are below.

Had an absolute crisis on Saturday when Spurs managed to blow a two goal lead at Old Trafford. Pre half time I had been rattling of texts of glee on the train where I was tracking the match (not looking forward to my phonebill – I might be the only person still using WAP). This ray of sunshine in Tottenham’s sunshine soon got tainted with a cloud of shit as we crumbled. I still haven’t watched match of the day, its frankly too upsetting.

This weekend I am DJing at The Branded / Deadly Shakes / Dissolutes show in Worcester – see the flyer I did below dum dum. I’m sure my choices won’t get too fruity as it’s a punk night Murder City Devils / Hot Snakes / Minor Threat are mandatory. Sure I will try and slip in a jazzy remix or power ballad (can people handle 9 minutes of Meatloaf?).

Tre from last years Apprentice was on the Central Line this morning, chatting to some guy who had obviously accosted him about “corporate gigs” and that sort of twoddle. The man is quite a snappy dresser by that I mean cunt. Pastel blue shirt, white pinstripes and white cuffs, bootcut indigo denim and beige half breed trainer / smart shoes – actually, the were more like hobbit sneakers.

I’m watching this weeks Apprentice on IPlayer right now, it seems so easy – how are people like this running the corporate world. I always feel like I could do a better job, because the tasks are always quite creative AND you have to be an egomaniac with delusions of self importance. Win. If George Lucas has got any sense he’ll be making a Star Wars spin off of The Apprentice…Darth Vader? Hopefully you can see where I’m going with this.

Ok fingers crossed the “I went to Sandhurst” twat gets fired.

The Weekend That WAS

2009-04-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

All things considered a sterling effort by those concerned. On Saturday I drew a poster for a show in Worcester – The Branded / The Deadly Vibes / The Dissolutes. Here it is right below, I really like it even though the panther is a total rip off of The Black Panthers logo (http://www.inetmgrs.com/onepeoples/logo03.jpg). That symbol has garage punk relevance as MC5 also plagiarised it, so I figure it’s an acceptable incarnation.

Saturday night I went round to Franks, chilled and made me tattoo a little skull on my arm. It’s based on a skull on a dagger from Bert Grimm flash. We added a reaper scythe and upside down coffin. The word ‘Death’ is hidden in it as well.

I’m really stoked on it, the book Frank had with Bert Grimm flash in really inspired me and I want to get a few more tattoo’s like this which just look clean, solid and classic.

I also tattooed a scaled down skull on Frank. It didn’t come out that great as I was laughing so much and couldn’t keep the needle steady. If it doesn’t drop out it will be miraculous. Steph and Rick tattooed him too, Steph did an S and Rich did a little stickman…who is sorta missing half a head.

Sunday I went and watched Tottenham beat Newcastle at the local normal looking pub ‘ The Railway Bell’. Its filled with loads of old east end pensioners and is a much more welcome prospect than watching a match at ‘Funky Mojo’s’ or ‘The Lizard Lounge’. That’s Essex for you.

It was a pretty comfortable victory against a Newcastle team who don’t look like they could score with 11 strikers on the pitch let alone 4. Shearer himself could have punting more efforts on target from the technical area. I’ll be watching Newcastle in the Championship with joy next season. Just because you’ve got a lot of fans doesn’t mean you’re a big club.

Met my parents in glamorous Oxford services on Sunday night. They kindly bought me a pair of Vans from Florida but they look a bit like pop punk giant clown shoes. I’m convinced they’ll look fine with shorts and it’s an illusion against my jeans.

Dogma was on TV Sunday night, I really like Dogma – conceptually more than anything. Some of the acting is below par, well it’s pretty rotten actually but there’s something about a twisted biblical story that I have a soft spot for. Despite being a strict atheist I’m fascinated by religion and in particular Christianity. The concept of ‘God’ might be as ridiculous as a Unicorn but the mythology is 100 times better. A unicorn was never vengeful, even at the loss of a horn due to bizarre sexual accident I have every faith the would remain calm and peaceful.

Poster All Finished

2009-04-15T10:00:00.001-07:00

And another late night. Zingy! Available at the show as a 3 colour screen print. Not sure how many in the run yet!

Easter

2009-04-13T15:40:00.000-07:00

Hi. This was Easter.

Mi Ami are ex Black Eyes and sound a little bit like them too. They also sound a bit like a tropical dance party and !!! at the same time. I'm going to avoid the phrase "like such and such on acid" cause it just dawned upon me how trite it is.

If you like fun music and shaking your shoulders then go and see Mi Ami if you can.

http://www.myspace.com/miamiamiami

Almost finished my Gallows Tour poster design. I just have loads to clean up tomorrow night and then find somebody to print the bleeding thing. It looks just like this, only it will be 3D and cost you more than just looking.

BLEUGH

2009-04-08T05:20:00.000-07:00

My streak of being ill is continuing - last few weeks I've had just about everything wrong with me. My long stretch of being vomit free is still intact and hanging on my a thread.

This is how my face feels about life today (note the comfy granddad cardigan I have on).

Last night I did a poster for a Holy State show in a few weeks, here it is.

These are a few of my favourite things

2009-04-06T04:25:00.000-07:00

Having just been introduced to Cymbals Eat Guitars this morning I would like to introduce you to the things currently circulating my work headphones. Oh, it’s a slow day in the office too.

Cymbals Eat Guitars appear to hail from Staten Island in New York – I’d be lying if I said I knew where it was but I’ve heard New York is a swinging town and I’m sure these boys have seen plenty of sights and sounds to influence their eclectic pop driven racket. I described them as a hipster Weezer, Matt Poke described them as a hipster Pavement. Either way don’t let the word hipster put you off cause this shit’s a rockin’.

http://www.myspace.com/cymbalseatguitars

Friends and extended family will all know my great love for Coalesce and two new tasty tracks have been uploaded to their Myspace. Wild Ox Moan being the pick of the two, which lures you in with a deep southern ballad then pummels you pulsating drums and off kilter guitars. This is catchy, sludgy and some other words all ending in the letter Y.

www.myspace.com/coalesce

My co-worker Matt Poke not only dished up his Pavement analogy but also introduced me to the excellent Girl Talk. Girl Talk is straight talking mash up mega mix up – I’ve tried to think of other words Annie Mac might use but that’s the best I can do. Metallica to Busta Rhymes, it’s all in there. Pop it on at your next dinner party, home gathering or ketamine bash to share with friends.

www.myspace.com/girltalkmusic

This weekend I had a massive spring clean and have transformed my room into a paradise. Well paradise might be a bit of a stretch – my own private Idaho waiting to be destroyed by my kitten.

Horne and Corden made me lose even more faith in humanity and good taste. There’s a lot of current comedy I don’t get or simply don’t waste my (oh so valuable) time with – Mighty Boosh, Little Britain etc but I can comprehend why to the poor and north they might appear funny.

Watching Horne and Corden makes me feel embarrassed for them, their close relatives, their extended family and closest friends. I feel pity for those brave cameramen who gave their lives and the wardrobe department who have surely requested an sharpish transfer back to costume drama.

They seem to have built a show on their familiarity with the British public, assuming watching them is a bit like watching your mates on TV – and your mates on TV is great right!? Wrong, you look like cocks. Return to scripting television immediately, do not pass go, collect 200 quid, stop for a quickie in an East End boozer or pose for paparazzo with Lily Allen’s nip hanging out NOW.

Brillness

2009-03-29T08:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend I have been laying as low as I possibly can do with man-flu. Determined to maintain the momentum gathered with the Youves release I designed the accompanying t-shirt design...(colour variations and slight artwork changes may change)...

Today I have been working on my Gallows poster design which will be part of a series of posters for their UK tour of 'Grey Britain'. The series has been organised by the lovely Chris White who is a highly talented fellow and not to mention all round nice guy. Check out his blog here - http://3dglasses.wordpress.com/

Speaking of the Gallows here's Frank wearing a t-shirt I designed as part of the new Skulls t-shirt collection. Photo by Craig Burton.

Not sure at the moment if these are going to see the light of day but I'd really like them to because frankly - I think they're great!

This week on TV I particularly enjoyed 'Snog, Marry or Avoid'. The premise of the show being they take some over tanned fake tanned tart or a Camden cyberpunk goth and strip them down to what is close to a human being. This magic transformation comes under guidance of an anonymous big brother style voice of 'POD'. Each makeover lasts about five minutes making it far more digestible than the marathon of feel good, confidence boosting TV on Channel 4.

I also watched the end of 10 Years Younger on Channel 4 this week, after the program I was informed I could post my picture online and let the minority of the British public who understand the internet judge how old I look on the Channel 4 website. I was worried about what I might discover having bee recently ID'd for buying Rizzla's and filter's recently in the local Waitrose (not for me or kids waiting outside, don't worry). Luckily at the moment I am rounding off at 24 - which I think is fine, I can cope with anything over 21.

Going to listen to Steve Aoki and wish I took drugs.

2009-03-25T09:59:00.000-07:00

Finished the Youves Artwork.

We've got Ledley at the back.

2009-03-24T09:19:00.000-07:00

Went back to Worcester to see my Mum and Dad this weekend because it was Mother’s Day. They left the house early on Sunday morning on holiday to Florida. Because my Mum is almost as big a nerd as me she’s already found email access in the backwater towns of Florida and told me they are on their way to New Orleans via email. I expect her to locate a computer with MSN messenger pre-installed in an area yet to be rebuilt since hurricane Katrina before the week is out.

The past few nights I have been working tirelessly in my spare time on the Youves artwork. I’ve really bitten off more than I can chew and was up till the early hours finishing off the inlay last night. I’ll have to finish it off tonight as I’m on deadline, this time tomorrow I could be in a pro plus induced delirium and dribbling over my office desk.

This is how the inside looks.

Tottenham’s victory over Chelsea this week was a delight, I sweated out the last 20 minutes as we clung on - the heat of the laptop against my thighs (that’s not supposed to sound sexy) didn’t help. We played so well I only shouted “fuck” at the screen a couple of times, I don’t think I even pulled out the ‘C-word’, however I do tend to filter my language as often as possible in my parent’s residence – I am still embarrassed by the barrage of expletives I unloaded in an act of road rage when I last drove the folks.

I got a 1950s haircut and I think it looks alright.

Ching Ching

2009-03-19T09:55:00.000-07:00

I haven’t updated the ol’ blog this week because I’ve been really busy. I even took a day off yesterday to try and do most of the artwork for band Youves that I’ll post up here as soon as it’s done.

While it’s still fresh in my mind I’d like to gripe about Comic Relief. I somehow submitted myself to the torture of watching the entire thing, which at time seemed like the sort of punishment reserved for the inmates of Guantanamo Bay.

Ironically, Africa (yes – all of it) makes Guantanamo Bay look like Butlins or at worst a caravan park in Weston-Super-Mare. If those poor folk living in squalor and dying of malaria had to watch Comic Relief would they have let Lenny Henry into their homes? This being said you should round up all your spare change and give generously. I didn’t – I support the Alzheimer’s Foundation only, sorry Lenny.

The focus of Comic Relief seems to have shifted and concentrated on the problem of malaria – it seems like a more realistic issue to solve and doesn’t have the major hurdle of the Pope (not only are his holyness’ policies a problem it’s literally impossible to jump over him in that hat). The Catholic church is a well known stumbling block in the fight for AIDS in Africa and even though the BBC is rumoured to be run by “gays and jews” (see ‘that episode of Extras’) – Aunty Beeb steers clear of any Vatican bashing.

On a lighter note I went and watched Bronson – the surreal biopic of ‘Britain’s most notorious prisoner’. The film really tried to put you in the mind of Bronson and some moments made me feel genuinely uncomfortable. The chav’s of Ilford felt equally uncomfortable as most headed for the exit but I suspect it was because Bronson bore tone of an arthouse flick rather than the prison rioting gorefest they expecting.

Tom Hardly becomes Bronson is a phrase associated now with every single review about Bronson but it’s true. I hope Tom isn’t a one trick pony and we see him becoming many other British legends; Churchill, Thatcher and Simon Weston to name a few.

My phrase of the week is “The Pope is a cunt” and I found the latest album by ‘Girl Talk’ particularly pleasant.

Neuroticism Uncovered

2009-03-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

So far in 2009 I’ve managed to avoid one of the greatest blights on my life – the common cold. Luck and neuroticism have played their part, and I would like to think my money was well spent in the extra large bottle of immune system boosting tablets. Close your eyes and you can really taste those minerals and probiotics!

My obsessive compulsive habits have nurtured a strict routine when travelling on public transportation and since it seems to be working (I might have a hypochondriac’s fever brewing) I am going to share my top five tips to stay sniffle free this spring.

1. Gloves

Do not underestimate the power of the glove, even a little woollen number provides a barrier between your hand and the thousands of unwashed, genital dandruff infested hands of Joe Public. NB Careful removal of the glove is essential – I suggest removing and turning inside out into a ball ready for reuse.

2. Purell / Carex / Antibacterial Spray

This year’s favourite winter cocktail of tramps nationwide. The high alcohol content and smell of hospitals kill 99% of germs dead. Combine with regular washing of hands with hot soapy water so as not to allow your paws to turn into a germ orgy and you are onto a winner.

3. Breathing

Use your nose for breathing, not your mouth. All those tiny hairs (and not so tiny hairs in the case of our grandparents) inside your nose are marines sent into battle first, while the immune system hides in a nuclear bunker...that’s your body. All that hard work will be undone if you are fond of snacking on the odd nose candy. Sometimes I like to cover my mouth with the neck of my t-shirt too, but I am a social freak.

4. Seat swap / location

Don’t HOLD anything. Sit down – forget old people, pregnant birds, children. They are all exactly the kind of people you want to stay away from you. Remain in your seat at any costs. I personally prefer to pretend that I’m sleeping but if you’ve really got some balls throw in a foreign accent. If you are forced to stand go for a backs to the wall job and even if you start to fall grab a commuter not a handrail.

5. Ghetto Greeting

If you get forced into a ‘greeting situation’ forget the handshake, show how hip and ‘down with the kids’ you are by tapping knuckles. If your working in the business sector this might be slightly more problematic but advertising / new media types go nuts. Nobody will dare question it for the fear of seeming a bit ‘fuddy duddy’.

2009-03-11T08:43:00.000-07:00

It's National No Smoking Day today. As I'm sure you are all aware...

I've never understood the fascination with smoking in the same way I've never grasped the concept of inebriation. If anything I understand it less, I've never watched anybody drag back and fill their lungs with the remnants of what is essentially a scaled down forest fire on a stick and really enjoy it the way I've seen somebody sip a nice cold pint of premium beer brewed in some factory in the north.

You just read my first and only attempt to glamorise alcohol.

Plus everyone knows that your lungs are of far bigger value to you than your liver. True enough both provide a quality service to your functioning body but the liver seems all together more interchangable than the lungs. Like failing your MOT and finding out you need a new fan belt instead of a whole new engine.

The irony of course is I will die from malnutrition long before anybody I've even shaken hands with is booking in for their annual check up.

Here I am.

2009-03-10T06:39:00.001-07:00

So here I am, it took a while to figure it out but the only thing missing in my life was a blog.

This week I have mainly been enjoying the new Obits record. Obits it Rick Froberg from Drive Like Jehu / Hot Snakes new band. It bears all the Froberg guitar work hallmarks and seeing as I'm in the mood to make a lazy genre comparison I would say it was 'garagy' - if that's even a word.

There is no new episode of Lost this week so all I have to look forward to is the next installment of 'Coleen's Real Women'. Last week they defied all odds to get a MILF in the Sony Mother's Day Campaign - way to go Coleen.

I am still bombarding ITV with letters requesting 'Rooney's Real Men' - when produced I hope to gain at least an audition for Nike, Adidas or at the very least Kappa. My fine and delicate hands however will fail at the first hurdle for the H.Samuel 9ct Sovereign Ring photoshoot due to the lack of sausage fingers and brittle black hair.