Neuroticism Uncovered

So far in 2009 I’ve managed to avoid one of the greatest blights on my life – the common cold. Luck and neuroticism have played their part, and I would like to think my money was well spent in the extra large bottle of immune system boosting tablets. Close your eyes and you can really taste those minerals and probiotics!

My obsessive compulsive habits have nurtured a strict routine when travelling on public transportation and since it seems to be working (I might have a hypochondriac’s fever brewing) I am going to share my top five tips to stay sniffle free this spring.

1. Gloves

Do not underestimate the power of the glove, even a little woollen number provides a barrier between your hand and the thousands of unwashed, genital dandruff infested hands of Joe Public. NB Careful removal of the glove is essential – I suggest removing and turning inside out into a ball ready for reuse.

2. Purell / Carex / Antibacterial Spray

This year’s favourite winter cocktail of tramps nationwide. The high alcohol content and smell of hospitals kill 99% of germs dead. Combine with regular washing of hands with hot soapy water so as not to allow your paws to turn into a germ orgy and you are onto a winner.

3. Breathing

Use your nose for breathing, not your mouth. All those tiny hairs (and not so tiny hairs in the case of our grandparents) inside your nose are marines sent into battle first, while the immune system hides in a nuclear bunker...that’s your body. All that hard work will be undone if you are fond of snacking on the odd nose candy. Sometimes I like to cover my mouth with the neck of my t-shirt too, but I am a social freak.

4. Seat swap / location

Don’t HOLD anything. Sit down – forget old people, pregnant birds, children. They are all exactly the kind of people you want to stay away from you. Remain in your seat at any costs. I personally prefer to pretend that I’m sleeping but if you’ve really got some balls throw in a foreign accent. If you are forced to stand go for a backs to the wall job and even if you start to fall grab a commuter not a handrail.

5. Ghetto Greeting

If you get forced into a ‘greeting situation’ forget the handshake, show how hip and ‘down with the kids’ you are by tapping knuckles. If your working in the business sector this might be slightly more problematic but advertising / new media types go nuts. Nobody will dare question it for the fear of seeming a bit ‘fuddy duddy’.